In the eyes of the community, M, age 55, was the picture of success: attractive, living in a lovely home, a gregarious husband. But behind closed doors, M’s life was misery. Her partner was controlling of her activities and finances. The constant verbal attacks felt worse than the hits. She always felt like she was walking on eggshells. Nothing she did seemed to be good enough. Somehow he always made her feel that she was the source of their problems. When she was younger, she had thought of leaving, but was uncertain about how that would be for the children. Now that her son and daughter are adults, they are mirroring what they had been exposed to. Their angry put-downs make her feel hurt and humiliated.
She had clipped an article from the newspaper about a woman, age 60, who had lived with abuse and had been to Victoria Women’s Transition House Society (VWTHS) programs and was now living happily on her own. She had re-read the article dozens of times. It seemed that this woman’s experiences were much like her own. It was somehow affirming that she wasn’t the only one who had experienced abuse at the hands of loved ones.
She had picked up the phone to call the Crisis Line several times, but put it down. One time she did call, only to hang up quickly when she heard a voice. But one night her husband had been so cruel in his comments that she felt a desperate need to talk and she called. The counsellor treated her with respect and affirmed this was verbal abuse and it was very damaging to self-esteem. The counsellor explained the potential danger she was in. M didn’t feel ready to leave, but she learned that she could call the Crisis Line any time she needed to, attend individual counselling and participate in a support and education group through VWTH.
One night her husband attacked her in a rage, shouting and striking her hard. The rest of the evening was a blur of flashing lights, police, and being taken to the hospital. After she was treated by hospital staff, M decided to call Transition House to arrange for safe shelter.
The counsellor was at the door to greet her when she arrived. Her tears flowed, releasing years of tension. The counsellor made tea and they sat and talked. Her time at the Shelter was memorable; she met other women who had similar experiences and they would talk late into the night. Sleeping was difficult; there was so much to think about and it seemed at night her mind raced with fears of being on her own. A counsellor was always available to lend a listening ear and help her find her way through the myriad of questions and concerns. Where was she going to get money? Where would she live? She had never been to a lawyer – what did she need to do? Would it be easier to just return home? She felt so emotionally fragile and confused and now wonders where she would be if she had not had the help of the VWTH staff and volunteers. She remembers the relief she felt when the outreach worker helped her find a lovely apartment in a seniors complex.
M found tremendous support from other women in the VWTH support group for seniors. Each week she learned tools that helped her slowly rebuild her life. She went through the Bridges for Women program and is now working. She feels fully alive now and is grateful to VWTH.
Her biggest regret is that her children were exposed to violence. As part of her healing she has chosen to volunteer at the VWTH Children who Witness Abuse Program. She speaks to community groups and is an enthusiastic advocate of VWTH programs.